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Opening sentences


Below is the first sentence from each essay.

From the Essay Structures page:

In addition to this thesis statement, the introduction should do several other things. It should make a conscious attempt to provoke or capture the reader’s interest, what I’m calling a hook. The introduction should show that the writer has a sense of the larger context that the situation exists in. And finally, the introduction should preview the organization of the essay’s body sections.

What are you going to use to capture the reader’s attention. You know who the reader is, the questions he/she has, the decision that he/she needs to make or the problem to solve. What might catch his/her interest, might tell him/her, oh, this essay sounds interesting because it may address this decision that I have to make? Of the many things that could hook that reader, what will you use?

When I read the sentences below, I see a lot of missed opportunities to engage the reader.

For your three position papers, please pay more attention to the opening sentence.


Everyone in this great land we call the United States of America, is currently looking for change.

First things first let me start by saying we are for America and its legal citizens.

We stand for putting people before profit.

Every day, people in the LGBT community are persecuted and discriminated against because of their sexuality or gender identity and it’s time to make a drastic change.

I believe we have confused power with greatness.

In the SSP(Softly Spoken Party) one of our mottos is Amat Victoria Curam.

This political party is a melting pot of different issues, but they are issues that we feel are the most important, due to personal experience, but mostly just because we feel strongly about them.

All firefighters have the same jobs: to be willing to get up and leave to go help other people, most of the time complete strangers, be willing to give their life for those people, and to work hard to make the community safe.

“Say Less, Do More” for the sake of humanity is a political party focused on the needs of our people.

As America is growing and becoming a more diverse nation, more and more issues are arising and there needs to be a solution.

America needs to come together sooner than later, so why not now?

The Democratic Republicans, or Demopublican for short, is a “happy medium” between the already known parties, Democrat, and Republican.

The Animal Rights Party is all about being an advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Our country is in desperate need of change, the American Soil Party (ASP) is here to make that change.

Have you ever been judged or bullied by someone?

The Stoic Independence Party is all about individual rights, ecological awareness and caution, and rehabilitating Americans.

“Stand together, work together” that is my party’s slogan.